Silverbell
by nekoue
Summary: Remus can't love Sirius, not after what he's done, James, Lily, Peter they loved Sirius and now he's killed them. Remus tries to bury that part of himself away, forever as he begins a new life raising Silverbell Black, his friend, and lovers daughter.
1. Chapter 1

The house was dark, in occupant fast asleep oblivious to the blackness that befallen the world mere moments ago, oblivious to the fact that in mere moments to come their life would forever and irreparably changed. The living-room of the house seemed far more quiet than all the other rooms, the only sound the ticking of a clock on the wall, counting the seconds one, two, three, and the night moved on in its silent ballet across the sky.

The fireplace erupted in green flame, the source of its ignition un known, unseen. A man haggard and worn stepped from it, his long black hair on end, clothes in shambles and a child, sleeping in his strong arms. "Remus, Remus!" the tall dark haired man called stepping into the living-room his voice torn and full of anguish.

"Sirius?" called another man, the owner of the house as he rushed to the top of the stairs, his brown hair a tangles, his heart roaring in his ears, wand gripped tightly in his hand should there be fighting required. "Sirius are you alright?" The other man asked as he walked as he made it into the living room.

"Remus!" said the first man, his voice choked in a sob as he strode towards him the sleeping child in his arms turning their head as they slept.

"Sirius, what's happened? What's the matter?" Remus asked looking at Sirius's tear streaked face, searching his eyes for the answers he sought.

"S-something terrible's happened, s-something I can't understand, I-I don't know Remus, everything's gone wrong, the world has flipped onto its side!" Sirius said in a tearful, almost prayerful manner, fear and grief filling his eyes.

"What happened?" Remus snapped fear rising within him, and taking hold his heart as a raging and merciless fire.

"Please, Remus" Sirius paused swaying slightly, his knees threatening to give way beneath him. "Help me," he pleaded his gray eyes shifting as he looked first deeply into one and then another of Remus's limpid green pools. "Do me two favors, just two please!" Sirius sob reaching out and taking the other man by the hand.

"Yes, anything..." Remus said stepping closer as he trembled, direness of the situation dangerously apparent.

"Take Bell." Sirius instructed pulling the sleeping child from his shoulder and placed her in Remus's out stretched and awaiting arms.

"Mm..." she moaned softly, lifting up her head to look at the two of them perplexed.

"You're going to be staying with Uncle Remus for while ok Jelly Belly?" Sirius said looking at his daughter as she rubbed her eyes sleepily.

"Ok, daddy..." she sleepily replied laying her head on her 'uncle's' shoulder.

"And Remus," Sirius said with a look of utter despair as he gazed at the taller man. "Have faith in me..." he said placing a hand on the side of Remus's face, is voice harsh and just above a whisper. Gazing deep into his dark green eyes Sirius rubbed Remus's cheek with his thumb.

"Sirius?" Remus asked his voice weak, his lips trembling but Sirius only shook his head the tears spilling out of his eyes. "Sirius?" Remus asked panicked as the other man began backing away. Shaking his head again Sirius traced Remus's lips a sorrowful sound escaping his own. Trembling he removed his hand from Remus's face and ran back to the fireplace disappearing in a ball of green flame.

The house seemed empty, despite the two occupants that stood in the center of the living-room. Remus swayed, rocking the girl as tears fell from his eyes and his heart ached, calling out to Sirius who had left several minutes ago. "It's alright Bell," he cooed to the sleeping child, in a vain effort to comfort himself. "Everything's going to be alright, daddy's going to back any minute and then he'll, he'll-" Remus could produce no more words, a sob lodged in his throat.

"Ministry of Magic!" A man called, his voice half drown by the of green fire in which he stood. Taking long powerful strides her stepped out of the fireplace and a few moments later, was soon followed by three others, garbed, all of them, in black.

"Have you seen the wizard known as Sirius Black this evening?" a tall woman coming up behind the first man asked, her nasally voice firm and laced with anger.

"Well n-no I-I haven't why?" Remus stammered as he watch the other two spread out, searching his home. Remus's heart was fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird and weighted down by a might anchor at the same breath.

"We can't tell you tha-" The woman began sharply, but was cut off by the first man who nodded for her to join the others in searching the house.

"That's Black's daughter isn't it?" the man, who had a receding hair line and piecing blue eyes asked nodding to Bell.

"Yes…" Remus said wearily, as he pulled the child nearer him.

"And he's a good friend of yours isn't he?" the man asked, his questions prying, yet his tone friendly. As he spoke to Remus he walked closer, closing the space between them.

"Yes." Remus said unsure of the man before him, he unconsciously took a step back.

"Then you should know he is wanted for murder, the murder of three people, friends of yours, I believe, not to mention the twelve Muggles." He stated, as though it were as easy as saying, 'There are clouds in the sky tonight.' "Lily, and James Potter, they were killed, Sirius turned them over to You-Know-Who. They're dead now and Peter, Peter Pettigrew, he witnessed the act, tried to run, but that bastard Black killed him, caused an explosion, all that was left was a finger, took twelve Muggles down in the attack you know." as the man said all this he never stopped looking at Remus eyes intensly burning, wand gripped tightly at his side.

The room began to spin as the chilling words sunk in, "Lily, James, Peter…" Remus thought dizzily, his heart cold with shock.

"Easy, there!" said the man catching Remus as he fell backwards. Remus was quickly lead to the nearby couch and eased onto it. 'Is that what he meant?' Remus thought tears springing fresh into his eyes, he felt as though he were about to be sick. "'S-something terrible's happened, s-something I can't understand, I-I don't know Remus, everything's gone wrong, the world has flipped onto its side!'" Sirius's words swirled in his mind, morphing and taking hideous new shapes as they filled it with darkness. "That was what he meant?" Remus unconsciously whispered to himself, his eyes unblinking as he stared at the wall across from him.

The other man heard him and now leaned forward with interest, his eyes wide and accusative. "So he was here." he stated before firmly asking, "Wasn't he?"

Remus's tear filled eyes meant his, disbelief, fear, despair, hopelessness, and regret shone through his tears. "Sirius…" Remus began shakily…


	2. Chapter 2

Remus trembled as he held the letter weakly in his hands. As he stood in his room swaying with unwanted emotion his tears soaked into the cream colored envelope, it was from Azkaban, from Sirius. A black feathered owl whose wings were tipped white had dropped it to him just moments ago, before soaring back into the night an ear splitting scream erupting from its beak. This was the third letter he'd received this month, and like the others before it he dared not open it. Instead he stood and placed it in a small box with the other letters. A glance into the box caused a small cry to escape his throat as his eyes skimmed along his photos of Siruis which had also been placed in his dresser. There was a light knocking at the door, after wiping his face with rough calloused hands Remus said in the most cheerful voice he could muster, "Come in Bell."

The little girl drug her teddy bear behind her as she walked into her uncle's room. "Can't sleep?" Remus asked gently, crouching to eye level.

"Uh-uh…" she said rubbing a big brown eye coming to stand in front of him. "I miss daddy," she said now on the verge of tears herself as she grabbed on to her uncle's shirt and burying her face in its striped folds. "When's he coming back?" she asked, her voice muffled.

Remus bit his lip, "Not-not for a while sweetie…" he said pulling her chin up to look at him. "Not for a while." he brushed the hair from her face.

"How long's a while?" she whined tears raining down her cheeks.

With a quavering sigh he said, "Tell you what, why don't we get some nice warm hot chocolate, and after that I'll tuck you in nice and tight hm? Does that sound like a plan?" He gently took her tiny hand in his as he stood to walk her out of the room.

"Will you tuck me in like daddy?" she asked pleading eyes looking up at him…

"REMUS!" Sirius screamed through the bared window of his cell, as storm rages outside throwing rain and wave in his face, soaking he and flooding the cell, they'd let him drowned if it came to it he knew! "Remus you bastard," he raved maddened even more by his dire situation. "You said you would do anything for me!" he shouted falling away from the window landing in a heap on the floor. "Two things Remus, two things was all I asked of you!" he wept fist beating the floor until blood mingled with the salty water.

"Hey, you, quite down in there!" another man, a guard yelled from the other side of Sirius's cell door. "If you don't!" he said his voice harsh and cruel. "I'll send a dementor to be sure that you never make a sound again!"

Crurling into the fetal position on the soaked floor Sirius wept, "Why," was his question that he knew would go unanswered. "Why did you lose faith in me?" he asked feverishly kicking his rickety cot which smelled of sweat and mothballs. "Why Remus, why?" he cried falling into a dark pit from which her doubted he would ever see the sun again.


	3. Chapter 3

Christmas, Remus sighed it would be dreadful, and he knew it. Little Bell had been living with him for several months now, having been granted custody over her. The girl's family members on her father's side being utterly mad and her mother unobtainable and besides putting away a notorious killer had given him a good name. Sirius a killer, Remus vigorously shook away the vial thought, shook away any thought of him free from his mind. Pulling his memory back to the present he rearranged the gifts under the tree and took a step back. No, it still wasn't right. His stress level rose slightly as he heard his own hear pounding in his ears. Maybe if he turned the little square one a little more to the left, then the long one, the toy broomstick to the right…

'Dam it!' Remus swore to himself. How dare he let his obsessive compulsive disorder get the best of him! Stress made it worse, stress always made it worse. Back at Hogwarts, what seemed like any ancient and forgotten years ago, when he was young the thought of being discovered was always there. His two greatest secrets and every pair of eyes judging him, and then there was the constant thought of losing control. What if he had killed someone? At Hogwarts everything was neat, everything was tidy. Then one day when he went up to the dorm to study and his bed was a mess everything on his desk jumbled ink everywhere! In a fit of rage, panic and unrest he began to scrub.

"Hey!" came a voice youthful yet commanding from above him as he knelt on the ground a brush vigorously working. Nothing, he wouldn't, couldn't respond, he had to clean! A foot slammed down into the puddle of ink splashing it across the room as well as leaving Remus looking quite the Dalmatian. "Stop!" the voice demanded. Looking up Remus saw a tall, slender dark haired boy standing over him, he was the one who had defied cleanliness.

"No!" Remus said in a voice choked with tears, his eyes burning.

Quickly moving to his bed Remus re-tucked, re-smoothed, and re-straitened his bottom sheet, then the top, next the blanket; was pulled out of his hands! Grabbing it away from the other boy the now crying Remus tried again, it had to be perfect, everything had to be perfect, _he_ was so imperfect maybe if everything around him was no one would take any notice! "Enough!" The other boy shouted ripping off both sheets and the blanket himself enraged.

"No!" Remus cried out as the bedding in avertedly landed in the puddle of ink. "I hate you!" he yelled grabbing hold of the dark haired boy by the front of his shirt. Slamming him into the desk Remus felt his blood burning as if her were about to change! "I hate you and I wish you were dead!" Remus bellowed, he had been shouting it at the other boy, but in truth was speaking of himself.

The other smiled crookedly his body, notably his spine, contorted over the desk, his feet were barley on the ground, and his head and shoulders were pressed hard against the wall. "You're to uptight!" he grinned broadly at the green eyed Remus. "You need to loosen up!" he explained grabbing the other boys tie and began removing it.

"Stop!" Remus shouted as his tie came off, into this absolutely infuriating boy's hand.

"Better?" black hair asked cheekily waving around the red and gold stripped silk trophy.

Remus' eyes went terribly wide as he came to a shocking realization, "My desk, my bed, my ink," he half shouted his voice reflecting the awe and disbelief he felt. "You did that?" Dark hair nodded uncomfortably. "Why?" Remus asked knocking the other boys head against the wall.

The other boy winced. Regaining himself he, smiling shrugged, "You need to loosen up a bit, you'd be more fun for sure!" he flashed his pearly whites in a condescending manner.

Releasing the other boy Remus stepped back and took a shaky breath. Reaching his uncovered bed Remus sat down and put his face in his hands, he was shaking. Slowly, and somewhat painfully the tie thief melted off the desk and back onto his feet. "Here," he said offering Remus a handkerchief. Remus took it and clenching it tightly resumed his former position of exhaustion and disbelief. "So," said the other boy cheerily clapping his hands together. "Need help cleaning up?"

Remus shook as he sobbed standing before a large green Christmas tree. He smiled slightly at the once fond, now painful memory of their first true encounter. Sirius had been such an ass! Sighing Remus stood, willing himself to stop blubbering like a colicky baby. Wiping his face he looked about the room, never had he been so stressed in his entire life. Not only was he haunted by the memory of Sirius, he was the caregiver of a young child who had recently lost her father and now took it out on the poor house in the form tornado like havoc! Now, more than ever retaining control of his emotions and monthly problem were of the utmost importance. What if he killed little Bell? He swayed nauseated by the very thought.

A letter in a wrinkled, cream colored envelope came through the slot in the door and fluttered to the ground. Picking it up Remus froze. "Jelly Belly" it read in a tormented Sirius's penmen ship. There was a creak at the top of the stairs, quickly Remus pocketed the letter. "Bell, Happy Christmas!" Remus managed hoping she hadn't seen the letter.

"Happy Christmas." she replied with a smile her voice sounded pained yet hopeful.

"I was just going to get you, I came down here to get a glass of water and saw the gifts." Remus explained motioning further into the living-room.

Her eyes alight Bell ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time, which gave Remus a fright. Looking quickly from gift to gift Bell didn't make a move for any of them. Suddenly dashing around the tree she began to fret. "Bell, SilverBell, what is it? What's the matter?" Remus asked as he walked to the girl who had crumpled into heap in front of the tree.

"I hate Father Christmas, I hate him!" she wailed kicking her legs and pounding the floor with her tiny fists.

"Bell, why?" Remus asked rubbing her back gently.

"I asked him to bring me Daddy!" she wept pulling her face out of the carpet to look at him.

A shock of lightning bolted through Remus's heart. "Oh," he said softly pulling the crying child into his lap. "I see…" a few tears spilled from his own eyes as he rocked the girl gently, in the light of the tree.


	4. Chapter 4

Life was a maddening whirl for Remus over the next few years; it wasn't until he sat down to think about all that had happened that the astonishment truly hit him. Seven years old, he couldn't believe it, in two months Bell would be seven years old! Had it really been three years already? And what a three years, holes kicked in walls, the start of school, and after that fateful Christmas she threatened and then attempted to run away. Remus chuckled fondly at the memory; she had made to the other side of the block when she got stuck recalling that she wasn't allowed to cross the street on her own. A fretful Remus had found her moments later pouting, cross-legged on the sidewalk. She also began asking for her father less after that, and stopped mentioning him all together just after her sixth birthday.

Wiping the sweat from his brow Remus closed the oven. "Should be done by eight." he said to himself glancing at his watch. '12:23a.m.' the face read. "Hm." he groaned rubbing his temples, he'd been getting headaches lately, but this one was bad. 'Got to get Bell in two hours.' he thought to himself as he got comfortable on the sofa. Closing his eyes tightly he rubbed his forehead in short circular motions.

Sitting on the grass Remus flipped the page of his book. 'The fire raged on flickering red and orange against the black velvet cloth covered in diamonds that was the sky as it leapt from building to building threatening to engulf the small village of Rai-' snap! The book closed forcefully on one of his fingers. "Ow, Sirius, damn it! That hurt!" he cried out shaking his hand in the air.

"Sorry love!" Sirius said cheekily. Remus could feel his heart speed up, he furiously willed his face to return to its natural color as a blush rose in his cheeks. "Hm, looks like rain." Sirius mused falling backwards into the grass.

"Yep." Remus replied pushing his book away and slowly laying back too. He jerked up at once as he realized his head was resting in the other boy's lap.

"You're fine!" Sirius laughed pushing Remus back down. His heart was hammering so loudly in his ears Remus almost didn't hear Sirius say, "So, do you want some Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans?"

"Sure!" Remus said sitting up and holding out his hand. Suddenly Sirius' face became hollow and dirty, snarling as him viciously through black rotting teeth skin yellow and waxy, hair a shambled mess hanging like curtains before his accusing black eyes.

Remus gasped as he fell to the floor. Shaking he looked around himself, "A dream, it was just a dream..." he said trying to reassure himself. "Oh, God!" He shouted glancing at the wall clock. '4:08p.m.' He pulled out his wand frantically and gave it a wave. In a split second he was running up the steps of Pearson Elementary. Running straight into the principal's office he breathless approached the front desk. "Re-Remus Lupin, he-here to pick up Silverbell Black!" he stammered to the woman who looked at him with wide skeptical eyes.

"Uncle Remus!" Bell shouted running to him and wrapping him up in a vice like grip.

"Uh, not so fast!" Came a sharp female voice from an adjoining room. "I'd like to see you in my office, right, now!"

"Uh-oh Uncle Remus, you're in trouble! That's Principle Grear!" Bell said looking up at him her big brown shone warningly.

"I know..." he said stroking her hair.

"Now." came the woman's cool voice.

"Ma'am?" Remus said sheepishly as he sat in a small plastic yellow chair, hoping against hope that it wouldn't break beneath him. "I-I-I'm so sorry Ma'am," he stammered, his head throbbing now more than ever. "I honestly don't know what happened!" he confessed.

"Stop." The red headed woman said holding up a hand a long fingered hand. "I don't know married couples that care about or do so much for their children as you do for your niece." she said walking around to his side of the desk and sitting atop it. "I'm just worried, not that you're doing anything wrong," she explained smiling down at him. "I mean you come to open houses, bake sales, field trips, but she doesn't mention her father. I think she may have abandonment issues, and when you didn't arrive for some time she became very anxious. I was quite worried for her you see." Remus nodded, feeling smaller and smaller as he stared up at her.

"It must be so stressful caring for a child with emotional problems all alone," she said crossing and uncrossing her very long legs under her very short skirt. Remus's eyes went momentarily wide as he began to understand what was going on. "And yet you miss nothing!" the principal continued leaning forward so as to place a hand on his knee. Remus smiled uncomfortably unsure of any possible escape. "Let me know if you need _anything_," she said seductively, digging her long red nails into his pant leg.

"I will." he said jumping like lighting out of his seat.

"I mean it," she said a forcefully, standing as well. "From one single parent to another," she whispered as she leaned forward until their lips were almost touching. "_Anything_..."

"I-I will!" he said quickly trying to make a run for it as she slid her number into his front pants pocket. "Thank you for taking care of Bell until I got here!" he said with a nod before ducking out of the sultry woman's office.

"Gee, Uncle Remus I hope you don't get detention!" Bell said innocently as they walked out of the building.

"Me too!" he replied squeezing her hand tight.

After wracking his brain for half an hour Remus was finished helping Bell with her homework, his head hurting all the worse for it. "Why do kids even need to know what a simile is?" he thought pulling the hardy smelling roast out of the oven. He was suddenly hit with a wave of nausea. "Bell," he called leaning on the stove one hand pressed tightly to his gut. "Wash up." After a few moments he felt a bit more steady, turning to get the plates however, he stumbled into the other counter, he felt as though he were going to vomit. His head was pounding furiously, blood rushing to it, he felt like it would soon explode! The world around was a mass of color and noise, he felt as though he were tumbling, falling almost!

"Oh, God no..." he cried as he caught a glimpse of the moon, round and fat. "Bell get up to your room, now!" he shouted as he heard the patter of her feet on the stairwell.

"But-" the girl protested.

"Now!" he bellowed his voice commanding, mind becoming a jumble of thoughts and emotion as he ripped through the cabinets, only one thing was clear in his mind, he had forgotten to take his dearly needed potion. His blood was blazing by the time he was rushing up the stairs! He tore open the bathroom medicine cabinet; it was then that he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. It was too late, that was the last human thought that ran through his mind before he let out an agonizing scream, his body crashing to the floor.

Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch all his senses seemed to collide into one, his body was being ripped apart and he could taste it! Pain was his entire being for what seemed an eternity. Suddenly a movement caught his eyes a small morsel standing at the end of the hall trembling, "Bell run!" The human in him screamed before being completely devoured by the beast...


	5. Chapter 5

The light was blinding, it burnt harshly against his raw skin. "Oh," Remus moaned turning his head away from the broken window, glass scraping, sharp and grainy across his face. Pushing himself up with his hands, head a whirl the naked Remus looked around his battered home. Everything was in pieces; couch stuffing was everywhere, as was glass and wood splinters. "I guess Bell won't be getting piano lessons anymore!" He laughed to himself as does a drunkard as he looked at the demolished hunk of wood, wire and keys in the corner.

Bell! The thought sent a shock through his haggard form. Had she been home? Tears sprang into eyes as he tried to get up, and failed falling clumsily back to the floor. "Bell!" He called stumbling into the hallway his voice cracking in a harsh way. "No, please no, in the name of all that is holy and good please let Bell be alright." He pleaded softly before shouting, "Silverbell, Rachel, Morning Glory, Black you answer me right now! Are you alright?" There was no reply. Remus looked, walking in a shamble through the first floor meticulously checking every possible place she may be. Had she hidden in the cupboards, the washer or dryer, what of the oven, she could fit?

Frantically, weeping he rushed up stairs and froze, blood. The hall was red with blood, his senses still sharp and burning the sharp copper smell flooded through him. Remus braced himself against the wall. "Bell..." He whispered his voice gone. Trembling he followed the trail of blood down the hall and into her room. His stomach wretched, there was a piece on intestine on the floor. "Oh God!" He cried collapsing to the floor. "I killed her!" He sobbed into the blood soaked carpeting. "My little Bell is dead!" he thought looking into her bedroom. She must have hidden under her bed for it was flipped onto its side, the mattress and box-spring leaned against the wall precariously.

"Oh, Bell, I'm so sorry I couldn't stop myself, I'm so sorry!" He said approaching the mattress his heart filled with trepidation. Shaking he moved it away, his stomach wretched again, her innards were strewn everywhere, her body must have been under the bed frame for all he could see was a patch of her lovely black hair coated in blood. "Oh, Bell!" He said stroking it. It took him a minute for the few truths about what he was confronted with to sink in, the hair was too short, the head too small... Throwing aside the bedding he saw that it was Mable, Bell's cat that lie there dead, not Bell herself!

"Bell!" Remus screamed his voice breaking, a hope filling him once more. He searched everywhere to no avail. It was then that he knew what he had to do. Standing in-front of the mostly intact mirror of the master bathroom he gazed into his own eyes.

He remembered the first time he learned how to do this, it was disturbed him greatly, and still did, each and every time he had to do it. Taking a deep breath he stared intently into the dark pools, swimming amongst a bold sea of green, that were his pupils. Slowly the green of his eyes paled and began to yellow. Images began to swim up out of his mind and into his reflection becoming crisper, clearer as they filled the mirror.

It came if brief flashes at first, the hideous deformity that was he half way between forms, the destruction of the piano, a flood of pain as he broke the banister and fell to the floor below. Then the images became even more vivid, he saw the slaughter of Mable and wretched, he couldn't look away, couldn't break eye contact with his Lycan self. Suddenly he saw Bell, she was crying, running, falling the fear in her eyes so intense. Running from room to room Bell tried to fend off the Werewolf that was her only guardian.

Suddenly he was falling through the banister again, only this time he saw that he had brought Bell down with him. With great difficulty she scrambled to her feet clutching an arm close to her chest. "Oh Bell!" he wept. Her arm was visibly broken. Struggling she managed to get to her feet and made her way to the chimney. Scooping up a handful of flu-powder she climbed inside. "Damn it!" Remus shouted breaking the mirror with his fist. "She could be anywhere!" He sobbed falling to his knees, "Anywhere!"

Remus knew he couldn't involve the Muggle police, nor could he involve the Ministry and risk losing her forever. He dressed quickly and rushed out of the bedroom when he saw the waste basket overturned crumpled papers everywhere. Stooping down he picked one up, it read, "Call me if you need anything Mr. Lupin, Principal Grear, 859-2515" He took a deep breath and picked up the phone...


	6. Chapter 6

"I have no idea where she could be!" Remus' sobbed, slammed himself backwards into the passenger's seat, guilt eating away at both stomach and heart.

"Well, did you call the police?" Principle Grear asked as she slowed to look at a small girl walking down the sidewalk.

"No, I told you, her father didn't die he's a psychopathic murder, he hay have taken her and if we involved the police he'd kill her! Or, or she could just be fine!" Remus exclaimed concerned about her reaction, he could however always use a spell to make her forget the entire thing. "That's why I called you! Now she might have gotten away, or any number of things, so look at every little girl!"

"If he hasn't already killed her!" The woman shouted furious with the lack of police involvement. Remus gave her a hard look that chilled her completely. "I'm just saying we need to let them know what's happening before it's too late!"

Remus clutched so tightly to the armrest and door handles that his knuckles went white. "You don't understand it's all my fault!" his voice changed pitch drastically as it broke.

"How?" the enraged educator asked turning on him.

"Stop, there, there!" Remus screamed motioning frantically at a nearby candy store. "Bell?" He called getting out of the car and running to a girl who was looking in the window. "Bell?" He asked turning a little girl to face him.

"Mommy!" screamed the little girl running off her great blue eyes wide with fear.

"S-sorry!" Remus called out to the woman who now clung to the child eyeing the strange man with suspicion. "I thought she was my daughter, she's missing..." Tears stung his eyes once more as he backed away. "Not her!" He called retreating to Ms. Grear's minivan. "It wasn't her." He stated again, in a quavering voice as he climbed back into the passenger's seat.

"Yeah, well I'd gathered that much!" The woman said in a biting tone.

"What is your problem?" Remus yelled. "You said that you would help me look for her, you didn't have to you know!"

"Yeah well you sounded desperate and at first I didn't believe you, I thought it was just ploy to get me to your house!" She yelled back blaring the horn at the red convertible that had just cut them off. "Asshole!" She swore giving him the middle finger.

"For what?" Remus demanded to know. "A fuck?"

"Well yes!" She said refusing to look at him.

"That's just great!" Remus said sarcastically. "Does the school board know about the types of relationships you lead or try to lead with the parents of your students?"

"No." She stated grinding her teeth. "This was a bad idea." She continued, taking an abrupt turn right. "I'm going to drop you off at your place, if Bell isn't in school by Thursday, that's tomorrow" she said her eyebrows dancing angrily. "I'm calling the police even though everything about this is positively screaming 'call the authorities.'"

"Thank you..." Remus said softly as he exited the vehicle. Grear gave him a short nod and drove away. After a quick check of the house to see if she had come home Remus set out to look for his little ward once more, this time alone, and on foot.

Remus was exhausted and sore after a full day and half of walking but he had to find her. "Bell!" He called his voice harsh and raw. Clearing his throat he rubbed his Adam's-apple absently. That was it, he would get help, two more blocks and he would be on a main street from there he would walk home and contact someone. Sweeping through the next block on his way he noticed a few teenagers scatter as the street lights flickered on. He knew this park, he and Bell had come here often before things got out of hand with school and after school activities, before slumber parties and play-dates. "Oh, Bell!" Remus whimpered, sorrow filling him as he walked towards the jungle gym. Trembling with sorrow and fatigue he collapsed into a swing. "Bell!" he cried head falling into his hands.

"U-uncle Remus?" Came a soft voice from somewhere near the play set.

"Bell?" Remus asked looking up. Crawling out of a plastic tunnel a small girl with matted brown hair, paled skin, and large brown eyes looked up at the man on the swing. "Bell it is you!" Remus exclaimed rushing to embrace the girl. With a small scream Bell backed away from her uncle. "Bell it's me, Uncle Remus, are you alright?" The girl shook her head frantically, tears spilling from her eyes. "I-I'm not going to hurt you, I promise..." Remus chocked as he struggled not to cry yet again. "I won't hurt you I promise, it was an accident!"

"P-promise?" She whispered looking up at him skeptically.

"I promise, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, these words be true I do not lie!" Remus swore marking his words with an X on his chest. The girl didn't move. "With cherries on top?" At hearing this Bell rushed to her uncle crying harder than Remus thought was physically possible for someone so small. "It's ok, it's ok!" He cooed stroking and kissing her hair all the while.

"I-was-so-s-scared!" The child bawled smashing her nose against his chest.

"Me too!" Remus reassured her as they wept together in a half lit park kneeling in the moist earth.

"Hello Ms. Grear," Remus said sitting back in the yellow chair across from her desk. "Thank you for all of your help." He said sincerely.

The woman, sour faced folded her arms eyebrows bouncing with disbelief. "Where is Bell?" she questioned with a cold tone.

"Home." Remus lied. "I just wanted to thank you." He explained. Deftly he produced his wand and held it loftily, and out of sight. "Obliviate." He said in a soft yet clear tone, his mind focused on the events that had transpired over the last few days. The stately woman swayed slightly before blinking twice quite slowly. "Thank you very much for your understanding on the matter!" he beamed warmly.

"Wh-" the woman started, her brow tightly furrowed. "What matter?" she asked before smiling sheepishly. "I, I must have been distracted and let my mind wander."

"Ah," said Remus nodding as if he understood. "We were discussing the fact that I will be with drawing Bell from school, there is a job offer I simply can't refuse!"

"Oh!" the woman said her eyes lighting up. "I see, what a shame we will really _miss_ Bell!" she said biting her lip with interest. Remus heaved a sigh of relief, to Ms. Grear she hadn't yet made her move.

"She'll miss you as well!" he smiled leaping up and heading for the door. "I'm terribly sorry to rush, but we have to be settled by Sunday."

"Oh, but where-" the woman began.

Climbing into a small car, burdened with their belongings Remus heaved a sigh. The blinker clicking loudly he turned the corner pulling out of the school parking lot, for the final time. After he had been driving for a while he turned around to look at the small child asleep in the back seat of his rented automobile, her right arm in a cast. She had been through so much in such a short time, their relationship would never be the same, and he knew it. Bell would never trust him again, nor would he ever trust himself.


	7. Chapter 7

"It's alright Bell." Remus said trying to comfort the girl beside him, who was shaking like a leaf.

"I know!" She snapped in a newly acquired and utterly indignant tone. Remus sighed, no one anywhere had ever written a book on how to raise a child girls or boys, magic or Muggle that would prepare you for what you had to deal with, and he had looked, boy had he looked. There was also, nothing in the way of talk shows, classes or other parent's advice that could have prepared him for seven months ago when Bell came home and asked, "What's sex and why are two teachers at school getting fired 'cus of it?" Remus, presently chuckled at the memory, particularly at how utterly shocked he was to have heard that word come from her mouth, after all she'd only been ten!

"What?" Bell snapped again, turning to glare at him. "What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing, I swear!" Remus declared holding his hands up defensively as he banished the smile from his face.

"You think I'm a coward!" she shouted stomping a foot on the ground.

"No I don't." he scoffed.

"Yes you do!" she demanded enraged.

"Fine I do, ok?" he said giving up at last.

"Ok!" She shouted throwing her hands up and rolling her eyes in perfect sync, Remus couldn't help but smile. There was another long and uncomfortable silence as the two of them stood there waiting.

"You're going to be fine." Remus whispered gently behind her, squeezing her shoulder slightly.

"I know!" She snarled viciously at him.

"I know you know," he laughed. "I just wanted to let you know that I know that you would be!" he said digging himself in deeper. It was perfect, like liquid in motion. Hands met hips, jaw dropped and cocked to the side, head turned to glare at him, then body followed and then to top it all off the inevitable shifting of weight from on foot to the other made Bell look nineteen with her long dark hair, pale completion, and haunting gray eyes. When had Bell become such a woman? After a long hard glare Bell turned her back on her uncle once more.

With a rush of wind and a roar like thunder it was there, the Hogwarts Express. Bell took a deep breath and squared her shoulders and, "I can't do this Uncle Remus!" she cried burying her face in his chest, gripping his jacket tightly as she cried. Remus smiled fondly as he smoothed her hair.

"Yes you can!" He cooed kissing the crown of her head. "You can do anything!"

"No-I-can't!" She sobbed.

Suddenly a woman approached them from behind. "First year?" She asked in a kindly tone. Startled Bell spun out of the embrace to look at this stranger with distrust.

"Uh, yeah." Remus said nodding as he gave Bell's shoulder a slight squeeze.

"Oh well come on then!" The woman enthused as she waved for them to follow her. "I've already sent our eldest off see there 'e is rushin' aboard. Bill Weasley you mind yourself this year!" She scolded a tall red haired boy through the crowd in which he'd been swallowed. A hand shot up from the mass of bodies and gave a short wave. "There ya see!" She smiled warmly nudging Bell gently.

"Hullo boys I'm back!" She said encompassing a man Remus assumed was her husband and a boy about Bell's age but taller. "This is my husband Arthur," She said as the two men shook hands briskly. "And this, is my third eldest Percy, it's his first year too!" She said gently placing a hand on each of the children's backs and giving them just the slightest of pushes together. "Oh! How could I forget? I'm Molly by the way, Molly Weasley!" Smiling Remus gave a nod. "Dear where's Charlie?" Molly then asked turning to her husband and peeking at the crowd 'round him.

"Well, you know Charlie." Arthur said squirming under his wife's gaze. "He went to talk to his friends for just a moment he said, and well... He boarded the train with them!" He squeaked with a sheepish grin that made his ears go up slightly.

"Oh, that boy!" She fumed clenching her fists and stamping her foot.

"Mum." Her son said tugging at her sleeve.

"Not now Percy." Molly replied waving him off behind her back. "I don't understand that boy he goes from one fascination to another I mean dragons!" she said motioning wildly with her arms as she spoke with her husband. "Arthur, what is he going to do with his life that involves dragons? Really?" She asked pursing her lips as she waited for a reply from her wide eyed shell shocked husband who was at the moment carefully choosing his words.

"Mum!" Percy said more urgently trying again.

"Not now Percy!" she snapped without turning to him.

"Mum the train's going to leave with out us!" He shouted suddenly.

"Oh, well, have a safe trip!" Molly said embracing her son and then Bell as they shuffled towards the train. "Write me when you get sorted!" She instructed him her eyebrows raised precariously.

"Bye Bell, I love you!" Remus said hugging the girl he had raised fighting back tears. "I'll write you, so you write me got it?" He asked squeezing her tightly. Bell nodded underneath his chin.

"Love you!" Bell called her voice quavering as she waved frantically from the boarding platform, tears shining in her eyes.

"You take care o' that girl Percy you hear me?" Molly said sternly. "And share your lunch!" the woman called after her son who was waving from a window his new acquaintance ducking under him to wave as well. Remus couldn't help it, couldn't hold it back any longer, he began to cry, just as the train pulled away. "Oh!" Molly sighed softly. "Come here you!" She cooed wrapping a motherly arm around Remus and another on around her husband both of whom were now weeping like newborns. Patting their backs, she turned them gently around and walked them quietly down the station, one under each arm.


	8. Chapter 8

Remus sat alone in the living-room reading a fresh, new addition of 'The Daily Prophet'. He sighed, this place seemed to be so cold and despairing without Bell, without her laughter, sarcasm, biting remarks that had her in constant trouble, and the squeals of her and her friends as they talked about the latest Muggle bands he felt so alone. Rising he looked at the photo on his mantelpiece, Bell smiled widely out of the carved wooden frame, he had taken the picture the day of her eleventh birthday, in one hand she held a book 'Norte-Dame de Paris,' it was his gift to her, and the other waved frantically. Remus chuckled, what the hell kind of eleven year old's birthday wish list said, "'Anything Victor Hugo?'" Well then again Bell was anything but normal, even for a witch. She loved the classics, she'd discovered them in her Muggle language arts class when they had read an excerpt from 'Treasure Island' which she bought with her allowance the very next week.

He remembered how surprised she was when she had received her letter, she was so happy, as was he, so much so that he bought 'Les Misérables' immediately as her acceptance gift. Just then, as if on cue a shriek cut through his thoughts, a large great horned owl swooping in through an open window and landing on his sofa, a letter held tightly in its sharp and deadly beak. "Ah," The man said turning to look at it. "Must be a letter from Bell!" Picking up half of the ham sandwich he'd been eating he offered it to the owl. Bending its head it transferred the letter from beak to talon. It then grabbed the sandwich greedily and gobbled down its payment. Remus reached for the letter but stopped when he noticed that the owl's talons tensed menacingly.

"Alright," Remus said scratching his head. "Here's the rest, now may I have my letter please?" Again the owl gulped down the tip hurriedly. Remus reached for the letter again, the owl gave a short scream a lunged foreword biting his hand. "Ah, you bloody little piece of work!" Remus shouted. The owl ignored him fluffed its feathers and promptly fell asleep. And hour of frantic pacing later the foul fowl was gone and Remus held a slightly crumpled, talon torn envelope in his hands. Eagerly he sat down tucking his feet underneath him and smiled. Ripping it open he did a quick scan for some key words, 'fun,' 'Hogwarts,' 'Sorting Hat,' 'Gryffindor' at that particular word his joy bubbled over as he squirmed in his seat with excitement for her.

Taking a deep breath he cleared his mind and started at the top.

'Dear Uncle Remus,

I'm writing to you with a quill which is a lot more difficult than you might imagine. This is the third copy of this letter, and the one I sent because it came out the clearest, and with the least ink splatters, sorry if you can't read it though! (I really would love a good old ballpoint!)" Remus laughed. "First let me tell you that I was so very frightened of leaving that I thought about missing the train intentionally, so, yes I suppose I am a coward, but I'm glad that I came, so you don't worry about that anymore, I'm fine.

The train did take longer than I thought it would though, oh and that Percy boy he sat with me, so I wasn't alone. We talked a bit; he was really nice and just as nervous as I was. I don't recall everything we talked about but I do remember we spoke of siblings, his, did you know he has six siblings? Two older brothers, one who seems to be a bit odd, kinda rebel like, the other is really into dragons right now but Percy says it won't last. Then there's him, then the twins, boys, who he says joke around way too much, and don't take life nearly as seriously as they should, then there's his youngest brother he says he's pretty average. The there's his baby sister, Ginny, poor girl, six boys! How does she stay sane? She is only six though. We also talked about Hogwarts and how anxious we were. Did I tell you he likes to read too, isn't that fantastic?'

A broad smile broke out across Remus's face, "Oh, no, first crush!" He said slapping his leg with enthusiasm.

'He loves the classics!' Bell's letter went on.

"Defiantly first crush!" Remus chortled from his seat.

'After comparing Gaston Leroux to the love of my life, Mister Victor Hugo (did I mention that I'd like 'Le Fantôme de l'Opéra' for Christmas?) we had lunch, he shared his peanut butter and jelly, strawberry, not grape, why don't ever have strawberry? Anyway, after that I bought us a box of Every Flavor Beans to share, we spent the rest of the ride trying to discern which were the good flavors and which were the ones to be avoided, apparently we are good at neither!

I suppose I was still pretty nervous when we arrived because I was trembling, I don't know why though maybe I was scared of being rejected, or failing at something, I've never had many wizarding friends before so that was probably it. Anyway, when we got there Percy and I got off together, they took us up to the castle across a lake in boats lite up with lanterns. The castle itself was amazing! It was like a cliff rising out of the sea (the lake) and the sides were a blaze with light and life! After we go inside we had to wait in a corridor outside the Great Hall. Once the doors opened, I felt faint, there were so many people staring and the room was so huge, and the ceiling! It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen! Candles floated in the air, stars dancing above, can one be in love with a place? I am!

Then the Sorting Hat started to sing, it was an odd song, about the founders. Several people went to Gryffindor, including Percy, I went before him though, Alphabetical by names and all-' Remus moved on to the second page. 'I was so afraid, but when they called my name but Percy smiled at me and squeezed my hand and I felt better, until I stared walking up there that is. When I sat down the hat was put on head, it was the weirdest most bizarre and scary thing ever, that hat began to talk inside my head! It said this rhyme too;'

_"You might belong in Gryffindor,_

_Where dwell the brave at heart,_

_Their daring, nerve and chivalry_

_Set Gryffindors apart_

_Or perhaps in Slytherin,_

_You'll make your real friends,_

_Those cunning folk use any means,_

_To achieve their ends_

_You might belong in Hufflepuff,_

_Where they are just and loyal,_

_Those patient Hufflepuffs are true,_

_And unafraid of toil_

_Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,_

_If you've a ready mind,_

_Where those of wit and learning,_

_Will always find their kind."_

'It spoke with me for a while it seemed to have some trouble picking a house for me, it said I would do well in Gryffindor... Like my father... I remember stories you told of Gryffindor and it sounded fun but, the hat said that he could sense a sudden hesitance in me. Oh, Uncle Remus I feel so guilty for that, I really, truly do! But I was sorted away. It startled me when the hat shouted but soon everyone was cheering, I must have look like a real dolt because I had to ask Professor McGonagall what the hat had said, she was very kind. Well guess, "What?" I'm a Ravenclaw!'

"What?" Remus shouted at the paper sitting bolt upright. Bell was clever and all but Ravenclaw? That couldn't be right!

'I sat down with all the others and watched as everyone else was sorted when it was Percy's turn I waved and tried to give him that same reassuring smile, I don't think he saw, and I probably looked like dork. After all that we had the welcome feast, the food was good, but too much meat, not enough good old f&vs,' Remus laughed, he loved her cute little nicknames, how or why she had ever chose to become a vegetarian he would never know, then he felt a pang of guilt, Mable...

'After that we sang a funny song, well I didn't sing really, I don't like my voice much, but this was the song,'

_"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,_

_Teach us something please,_

_Whether we be old and bald,_

_Or young with scabby knees,_

_Our heads could do with filling,_

_With-" Next page_

_"some interesting stuff,_

_For now they're bare and full of air,_

_Dead flies and bits of fluff,_

_So teach us things worth knowing,_

_Bring back what we've forgot,_

_Just do your best, we'll do the rest,_

_And learn until our brains all rot."_

'After that we all went to our houses, I got trapped on a moving stair on the way, it was really scary when I couldn't get back with the others an older boy levitated me over to them, that was really, really scary! Then we walked up this really tight, tall stair case all the way up to the top of a tower. Instead of a portrait like you said Gryffindor has there's a door knocker and it asks you questions, the one it asked me seemed to be a math problem but really it was a true or false question disguised as a math problem! It took me a couple tries, which the knocker gave me as a first year.

The inside is so beautiful! It has elegant arched windows, and the walls are hung with blue and bronze silks. The ceiling is domed and painted with stars, and so is the midnight-blue carpet. Tables, chairs, and bookcases cover the most of the floor, and a white-marble statue of Rowena Ravenclaw sits next to the door that leads to the dormitories above. Which are very nice, I think I'm going to like it here, the room just makes me feel like writing poetry! Well it's late and I should be getting to bed.

Good night Uncle Remus I love you,

Silverbell, Rachel, Morning Glory, Black the newest Ravenclaw!'

"Wow!" Remus breathed putting the letter down, he was stunned and unable to do much more for a moment. "Wow..." He repeated rubbing the back of his neck, he missed Bell even more now but was so incredibly proud of her. He got up and grabbed a pen and paper sitting down he smiling, wrote,

'Dear Bell,

The first school break, you and I are going to go and get you an owl of your own...'


	9. Chapter 9

Remus worked quietly at his desk copying down notes from his 'History of Magic' textbook. Sitting on the other side of the room Sirius worked with a paper and pencil just as quietly. The two of them were alone in the boy's dorm, James was practicing for the Quidditch match next week, and Peter was skulking around somewhere. Sirius chewed his lower lip as he erased something, then he blew away the little pink pieces of residue.

It was nice just the two of them, in the nice quiet dorms. It had been a few weeks since Remus had told his closest friends about his secret, his little monthly problem, and a week since the other three decided to become Animagi. Sirius's idea, James's transmogrification knowledge, and skill. Peter was terrified, who wouldn't have been? James was quiet for a while, a long while, just sitting on the sofa, staring. At first Sirius had thought it was a joke and laughed manically, until he met Remus's misty eyes as he sat pale staring at the floor.

"Oh," Sirius had said. "Oh!"

"Yeah." Remus said hanging his head shamefully.

"Oh." Sirius said, again stupidly. Remus visibly retreated within himself, pulling his knees into his chest.

"Pl-please, don't tell anyone, e-even if you hate me, even if you never speak to me ever again!" Remus pleaded in a small voice without looking up. "Please..."

"You're a Werewolf?" Sirius asked trying out the new word, well it wasn't exactly a new word but it was a new phrase and the word itself had a new meaning now that it was Remus, a dear friend whom he was talking about.

"Yes..." Remus whispered grievously.

"Like a full moon, transforming, murdering, wolfy, Werewolf?" Sirius spelled it out as clearly as he could, looking down at his hands which were clasp tightly together in his lap.

"Um-Yes?" Remus said unsure of what to say, what was the definition of 'wolfy?'

"Like seriously?" The dark haired boy asked leaning forward an intent look in his eyes. "Like every full moon?" He asked seemingly excited. Remus nodded cautiously. "I have to see it." Sirius declared standing.

"No!" Remus shouted standing as well.

"Sh! You'll wake everyone!" Peter whined nervously from his seat next to James.

"I'm seeing it whether you like it or not." Sirius informed his friend smugly.

"No, you're not!" Remus said through clenched teeth. "Look you three are the only real friends I've ever, and I mean ever had. You're the only people I've ever trusted with my secret before, please, I-I don't know what I was thinking telling you!" He said exasperated. "You," He said pointing to Peter who flinched away from him, "You're terrified. You," He said motioning to James. "You're speechless, and you're completely out of your bloody mind!" He said returning his attention to the boy standing across from him.

"Well what'd you excerpt? My family is quite mad you know, the whole family, what made you think I wasn't?" Sirius asked a bemused smile playing across his lips.

Remus glowered at Sirius, he was insane! Everyone turned when James cleared his throat. "So-ah," He started weakly. "Do-ah, do any of the-ah teachers know?" He asked trying very hard to lighten his tone. James squeezed his eyes tightly shut; he knew how stupid he'd sounded just then. Remus was always the voice of reason for the Marauders and now it appeared James had to be, boy did he feel out of place.

"Yes, well at least Dumbledor does." Remus responded his heart-rate decreasing slightly as they seemed to accept him.

"Oh." James said dumbly.

"Ha-have you killed anyone?" Peter whispered weakly before a wide eyed expression flooded his face telling all that the small boy had not intended for this question to be said aloud.

"No," Remus said before turning to Sirius. "Nor will I allow you to put yourself in the position to where I might kill you, or worse!" Remus said his teeth clenched tightly.

"Worse? Like what disgracing the family tree?" Sirius chuckled heartily, patting Remus' cheek. "That would be wonderful!" He said spinning on his heal. Remus looked at his friend squarely, he knew he only half meant what he said. He'd seen the way Sirius cried when he thought he was alone after his mother had burnt his portrait from the family tree and threw him to the streets.

"Be serious!" Remus demanded.

"But I am Sirius!" The other boy said smugly gray eyes shining wickedly as if in a dare.

"Hey, fellas let's calm down!" James said laughing uncomfortably as he stepped between Remus and Sirius who looked as though they might go to blows.

Currently, however Sirius chuckled from seat where he worked in silence. He just loved to piss Remus off, and he was so panicked when he finally came clean he had to do something! "What's so funny?" Remus asked without looking up.

"Oh, nothing." Sirius responded with a practiced absent tone, a necessary defense mechanism for life in the Black house, even though he was staying with the Potters now it was still habit.

"Hey Bookworm!" James shouted coming into the room shoving Remus's face farther into his book as he passed by. Remus grumbled something under his breath. "What you got there?" He asked leaning to see Sirius' work. Clutching the paper to his chest he turned away. After James retreated Sirius leaned over the side of his bed and put his latest work into the shoebox under his bed, smiling at the nearly finished sketch, of Remus his favorite subject... for now.

Sitting up with a hoarse scream which mingled violently with all the others echoing throughout dark, dank halls filled with nothing but anguish Sirius look around himself wide eyed like a caged wild animal. He laughed that's what he was, that's exactly what he was a caged wild animal, it was so funny! It was hysterical, and so was he. Suddenly he grew frightened, what was going on where was he?

"Remus?" He called. "Remus!"

Sitting on his well-worn cot which would soon be a rag and a frame he rubbed his eyes. His mind was a fog but a few things began to drift out, he knew where he was, he was in Hell, he knew what was going on, he'd been framed, and he knew where Remus was, Remus the betrayer was free. Oh how he hated that man, and oh how he loved him!


	10. Chapter 10

Remus lay on the sofa in the living-room his forearm over his eyes, brooding. He didn't know what he'd been thinking. A letter had arrived for Bell today, a letter from her father. Normally Remus would have taken the letter and locked it away in his box, but today was different with Bell gone he had more free time, and more time to his thoughts, Sirius was on his mind most of the time as of late. Sighing he sat up and looked at the letter he'd been holding for the past half hour as he lay, thinking. The letter wasn't for him, he knew, but the letter was from Sirius. Remus took a quavering breath, he wondered how Sirius was. He knew he wouldn't be happy, Remus took a deep breath, he knew he probably wasn't in the best state of mind either, but was he healthy? Was he ill? Did he need anything?

Remus moved his hand to the upper right corner of the envelope. Sirius obviously still thought of Bell. He tore the corner. Did he still think of Remus? Did he miss him? A loud sob, one he'd been trying to suppress erupted from Remus's lips. "Oh God!" he sobbed harder beginning to weep. "I can't do it, I can't... I can't!" he cried rocking himself. Briskly wiping away his tears he stood and marched to his bedroom. Grabbing a step-stool he put it buy his closet and stepping up took down the box marked "Uncle Remus's Things, Do Not Touch!" in big bold underlined letters. He'd taken to hiding everything in his closet ever since Bell had grown tall enough to reach his top drawer. He whispered the counter curse and opened the lid; he'd also jinxed it to emit a high pitched scream if ever opened without said counter curse.

Taking the letter in hand he placed it in the box and re-lidded it. Climbing back onto the stool he stretched to place it back on the shelf. Suddenly there was a screech. "Damn it!" Remus shouted as he jumped dropping the box, it fell to the ground spilling out all of its contents a shrill scream filling the room. Remus's head snapped to the window, Gloria, Bell's petite owl stood there looking at him with large innocent yellow eyes a letter that dwarfed her in her beak. Remus had told her to get a large strong owl, implored her not to look at the older owls the ones who were probably sick would get easily lost in a storm, but no she had to choose the smallest of the bunch. What really sold Bell was that Gloria had been marked down, the 'poor,' 'unwanted' creature was immediacy latched onto and would not be given up. Gloria was ancient and although Remus hating to think it did not seem long for this world, Bell however loved her greatly.

"Hello, Gloria!" Remus grumbled marching to the window as the screaming jinx faltered, then faded away. He was not in the mood to deal with the stupid bird and yanked the letter from its beak. Gloria screeched at him angrily. Remus ignored her tossing the envelope onto his bed. He then turned his attention to the mess of scattered letters and photos on his floor.

Sighing heavily he began to pick up the discarded items and toss them back into the box haphazardly. His hand froze halfway as he picked up a photo, it was himself reading, he laughed maybe being raised by a bookworm is why Bell was one too. Suddenly from out of frame a tall dark haired boy leaped onto his back with an inaudible roar! With a silent shout young Remus rolled away from his book and locked his arms around Sirius's upper body. Remus sobbed setting his back against the side of his bed. The two boys grappled in the photot with each other rolling in the grass until James, the photographer, called their names. Stopping mid-battle they looked up Remus craning his neck to see as he lay on his back, Sirius atop him grinning broadly. The boys both waved and then stopped moving.

Remus let out such a cry then, his heart though never fully mended was now wrenched in two. "Oh God, Sirius!" he cried. "Why, why did you do it? Why did you kill them?" Remus crumpled to the floor. "They loved you!" he bawled. "To James you were a brother! To Peter a friend and guardian!" he lamented. "Lily, Lily loved you, your lazy ass always forgetting you homework you would never have graduated if not for her! And I," he exclaimed. "I l-l-" he couldn't bring himself to say it, if he said it, it made it true, made it all real.

"I hate you!" Remus screamed crumpling the picture as he clenched his fists. "I hate you Sirius, I hate you!" Standing Remus grabbed everything and threw it all into the box. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his wand, he was going to burn them, all of them! Rage filled him as he stretched forth his hand. "Incend-" he started. "Incedi-" he tired again, he couldn't do it, couldn't say Incedio. Tears fell to the floor as he looked at the letters, 'Jelly Belly,' 'Bell,' 'Silverbell,' he couldn't do it, they weren't his, they were Bells. Sirius didn't think about Remus anymore, but he thought about her.

Carefully placing the box back in the top of his closet he wiped his face, closing the door he braced his back against it, terrified and shaking, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Opening his eyes he looked at his bed, at the letter. No, he couldn't, he couldn't do it, not that, Bell still needed him. Taking a trembling breath he lowered his wand he almost hadn't realized he'd been pressing against his own leg, the most forbidden curse playing on his lips. Bitter tears began to roll down his cheeks once more. No, Bell needed him...


	11. Chapter 11

'Dear Uncle Remus,' The letter started.

'I was thinking about you today and wanted to tell you that I really miss you, don't get me wrong I'm having a lot of fun, have you seen the library?' Remus chuckled lightly wiping at the tears that refused to stop as his eyes moved absently to his closet. 'It is amazing, I got in trouble my first visit, I was just so impressed I couldn't help myself I had to do it, I had to gasp and ooh, and awe. Madam Pince was a little cross at me for being so loud, once I found out she was the librarian I couldn't help myself again, I just started blurting things and questions out, and then she got really cross. But she soon found out how much I love books and I sort of, would you call it working or volunteering if I put books away and help people find books? Anyway Madam Pince and I are quite good friends now, I should think, although she doesn't say much.' Remus rolled his eyes, not even he in his quest for perfection had been _that_ bad while he attended Hogwarts.

'There's so many things I want to tell you, I love Ravenclaw by the way, I feel like I belong here, even though no one else, not even fellow Ravenclaws read the classics as avidly as I do, not fair by the way, I'd love to chat with someone about them! Oh, Percy is really, really nice, we talk in-between classes sometimes. I love charms, it's a great class! I can't wait to come home for Christmas, it's not that far off you know.' Remus smiled, he knew, he'd already gotten her a new book. 'Oh, the Caretaker, Mr. Filch,'

"Mr.?" Remus murmured to himself, he remembered Filtch from when he was a student, well leave it to Bell to call that sour old prune Mr. 'has a very lovely cat.' the letter continued. 'Her name is Mrs. Norris, I tried to give her some table scraps but she didn't seem to like me. I left them for her though.' Remus chewed his lip, Bell always did want another cat, but never dared to ask for one, not after Mable. Remus was hit with a wave of guilt only adding to his sorrows.

'I'm so happy I didn't chicken out, thank you so much for making me go! It's really fun here, I have a bunch of new friends and we just talk and giggle and there are so many things to do! We got to go to Hogsmead (thank you for the permission) and had a blast, literally I don't know what was going on but someone blew something up! I was really frightened at first but the teachers calmed everything down and several students got in trouble. Anyway, I got a lot of candy and I shared it with all of my friends, and Percy showed me the fine art of eating a chocolate frog, which I still don't like, is it eating an animal if it's made from chocolate? Do the chocolate frogs think? I hope not, if so I murdered a poor little froggy.

I don't think I have a favorite class, but I don't like Herbology too much... I killed a plant.' Remus laughed, Bell had wanted a garden ever since she read the book, 'Secret Garden,' but all attempts to grow anything ended the same, shriveled dead brown things. He felt guilty but Remus highly doubted Bell would succeed in that class.

Oh, and thank you again for Gloria I just love her so, so much and even though you say she's old she looks young and spry to me! Thank you again for everything and remember I love you! Write back with news!

Oh, can house points go negative? Just you know out of curiosity.

I love you lots and lots

Love, Bell

P.S. You may also receive a letter or possibly even a howler from Professor McGonagall, you may even have it by now but I hope not because I ran to my room to write you this as fast as I could after I was allowed to leave her office. Let me remind you how much I truly love you, I love you so much Uncle Remus! And let me say one more thing, it wasn't my fault and I didn't do it, respectively!

Love you again, Bell'

Remus sat up in bed a howler? What had Bell done? Well he was about to get his answer as a large black owl had just landed in his window, could the day get any worse?

'Dear Remus Lupin,

I regret to inform you that your ward, Silverbell, Rachel, Morning Glory, Black has been causing quite a bit of trouble.' Remus cringed this didn't sound good; no wonder Bell had used the phrase, 'I love you,' so many times. 'While in Transfiguration class this morning she successfully transformed a fellow student into a rather large salad bowl rather than the canary in front of her.' Remus burst out laughing, was that it? A slip of the wand he was worried for nothing. Still smiling he continued. 'This at first I believed had been a mishap which is to be expected when teaching young witches and wizards, a friend of the girl however shouted something at Silverbell and attempted to turn her into a tea cup. Her spell missed however and got the boy in the row behind young Miss Bell. Needless to say this erupted to a Transfiguration war among the class which I soon put a stop to.

'When questioned about the incident Silverbell admitted to changing Susan into said salad bowl on purpose.' "What?" Remus shouted scowling at the paper. When Bell came home a two weeks' time she was in for it! 'Although admirably honest of her to admit what she had done it was not a very bright choice. This act resulted in the loss of two hundred house points, a suspension of her Hogsmead privileges, and a month's detention.' Remus shook his head it sounded a bit harsh, but then again it did have a domino effect.

'Later in the day however Silverbell was confronted by those two girls she seemed to have it out for, and according to a friend of you ward's "Those snobby Gryffindors were asking for it, after hexing Bell." The afore mentioned Gryffindors, as I am told from bystanders hexed Silverbell as she was walking by causing her to trip and fall over her dropped skirt reveling to all her undergarments.' Remus was suddenly very angry how could anyone do that to his Bell? He knew the hex; it was one James had used on Snivellous many a time while they were in school. 'Miss Bell then reportedly pulled up her own skirt and then physically de-skirted Susan, which resulted in a scuffle, during which Silverbell's wand was broken, it is beyond repair. She is currently using a wand I have provided for her, but you must replace the broken wand, she needs wand of her own. May I suggest the upcoming school break. This incident also resulted in the loss of fifty house points, a piece. If young Miss Bell does not clean up her act I fear she may be suspended.

Sincerely, Professor McGonagall'

"Good heavens!" Remus exclaimed, mentally exasperated. Grabbing a pen and two pieces of paper, on one he scratched;

'Dear Professor McGonagall,

I am deeply sorry for the way my niece has been behaving, I can assure you it will never happen again and that I find your punishments to be sound. I will be taking her to get a new wand this holiday break as you have suggested, she should however know that, that may be all she gets this year. Please be sure that Bell gets the enclosed note.

Thank you again, and best wishes,

Remus Lupin'

He looked at what he'd just written, it sounded about right. He moved on to the next piece of paper,

'Dear Bell,

Your letter arrived first, but only just and it's done you little good. When you get home we have a lot to discuss.

I still love you,

Uncle Remus'

Sighing he placed the notes into an envelope and gave them to the black owl which was still standing by. After the bird left he collapsed onto the bed bringing he knees to his chest, his weary eyes locked on the closet door, a million thoughts buzzing through his mind.


	12. Chapter 12

Dark, it was always dark, why was it always such an unholy dark? There was nothing happy, there was no light, no hope. Screaming endless screaming he could hear it, it bored endlessly into his skull day and night, night and day, what was the difference really? Where he was there was sun but only in brief blessed snatches. You had to make a minute of sun last a month, but not even an hour after it was gone you cursed the heavens for ever baring such an evil temptress, the sun!

Sirius paced his small cell it seemed to grow smaller and smaller every day and after the long years he'd been there he barely had room enough to breath! Then, then there were the terrible, horrible days when it stretched for miles around and he had to huddle in a corner to keep from losing himself in the utter vastness of it. Today however there was no sun, lightning tore through the sky burning with a terrible furry! Oh how he hated it, oh how he hated everything! Screaming in anguish he beat his fists against the wall over and over and over picking up a rhythm, dead man's rhythm he laughed! The actions opened wounds that had scabbed over just that morning.

It felt good to be in pain, pain meant he was still there, if he went for too long without it he would drift away and never come back, he could feel it. Pressing his head hard against the wall he wailed loudly much like the others that surrounded him on every side, his head too taking up the rhythm. He stopped, and spinning looked, wide eyed at his cell door, something was happening. Cautiously he walked to the bars of his cell, wiping the blood from his forehead as he went. The body of the man across from him was finally being disposed of. He'd gotten ill a while back so ill he couldn't move, but these 'people,' they didn't care. They left him there, left him without a second thought Sirius tried to help he screamed and threw the bones and stale bits if bread too hard to eat at them, but in the end he could only watch and cry trying to close his eyes and cover his ears, trying so very hard not to see as the man was eaten alive by rats, too weak to fend them off.

"Devils! Murders!" Sirius ranted, clawing in vain at the darkly garbed wizards who hauled out the rotten and stinking corpse. Leaving it lay only a few feet down the hall they brought in another man, he was strong and fighting screaming with all his might that he was framed. Sirius felt an instant kindred-ship to this man, two souls one fate. Finally the man broke away and made a dash for freedom, a smile, a now foreign thing broke out on Sirius's face as he was about to cheer him on. Sirius's joy was cut short as a Dementor grabbed the man pinning him to his cell door, inches from his face!

Panic washed over Sirius as he fled from the fiend slamming his back against the far wall his cell which had never seemed smaller. There could never be enough distance between himself and that thing! He tried not to look, tried not to think of it, but the sorrow was over whelming and fear unbearable, he had to look, had to be sure he was not next. It was then that he saw the man's soul rise up out of his body, only to be devoured by the hideous monster. Sirius's stomach wretched and twisted as he screamed frantically, bile and stomach acid fell from his lips to the floor as he sat, now on hands and knees trembling. Sensing him the Demetor turned to Sirius.

"No! No!" He screamed trying to press himself through the wall scraping the skin off his back in the process. Someone must have said something to it, commanded it somehow, for the Dementor turned, and left. The soulless body that once was a man was tossed into the cell, food for the rats.

Hugging himself tightly Sirius lie on the floor rocking as if he were a babe, "Oh," he sobbed. "Remus, I-I wish you were here!" Sirius in his stress didn't understand what he was saying; he wanted Remus yes but to have him here? No, what he wanted was for Remus to hold him, tell him it would be alright, he wanted that to be true. Gazing up at his small window Sirius knew what he wanted, he wanted to walk with Remus see the sun dance across his honey colored dirty blond hair, watch as it caresses his face and kiss his lips, he wanted to make love to him. He wanted to hold his daughter, his baby girl and hear her call him daddy again. Sirius just wanted to be with the ones he loved, so terribly much that it was painful, so horribly painful...


	13. Chapter 13

"Ok, so rule one, don't embarrass me! Rule two, don't treat me any different from anyone else! Rule three my name's Silver now, not Bell, not Belly, not Silverbell and for heaven's sake not Jingle Bell Rock! I mean that's just so, ugh, what made you think it up in the first place? Just Silver ok?" Silver said with an exasperated tone as she instructed her uncle. "Rule four? Yeah, four, rule four don't act like a parent, ok? If I'm snogging some boy, just walk the other way, don't look at us, don't talk to us and if you do anything to said boy I will be forced to hurt you!" she threatened menacingly. "Uncle Remus are you even listening to me?" She asked from her place on her his bed as he packed yet another bag.

"Hm? What was that?" He asked smugly looking up at her as he folded a sweater. He was excited, yet nervous, he tried very hard to hide his nerves but he concerned that they might show just a little. He was returning to Hogwarts, it would be different though, he as a teacher this time. Fidgeting with excitement he couldn't wait! There was however, a dull ache in the pit of his stomach, the last time he had roamed those halls had been with Sirius, but now he'd have to do it alone.

"What's the matter with you?" the young woman shouted with annoyance, crossing her arms tightly over her chest.

"Ah, ah, 'What's the matter with you Mr. Lupin!'" Remus corrected her in a playful tone. "I'm your teacher now!" he said grinning.

"Ugh!" Silver groaned throwing her arms up as she rolled her eyes. "You're such an ass sometimes!" she shouted.

"Silverbell Rachel Morning Glory-" Remus began shouting before he was cut off.

"Chill! Ok?" Silver snapped at him. "I just meant," she began again after a moment of forceful glares between the two. "Ugh! You're so mean!"

Remus sighed his mood completely failing, "Don't worry you can move out as soon as you graduate!"

"What? No! That- You don't understand me at all!" Silver screamed at him before rushing out of the room, her anger well demonstrated by two slammed doors, first that of his bedroom, and then her own.

Remus stewed angrily on the floor beside his suitcase. It always seemed like the more he tried to relate to her the angrier she got! It was true though, he had to admit it. Silverbell was no longer child, and there for no longer needed him. Remus got up and walking to his bed. Sitting down on it he let his head fall into his hands, that's why he took the job, deep down he knew that was the reason. Bell would be moving away, living her own life, and leaving him alone… So very alone, and Remus couldn't deal with that, the loneliness. Pinching the bridge of his nose he sighed before falling backwards tears in his eyes. It seems like all he ever did anymore was feel sorry for himself, but he couldn't help it he was afraid so terribly afraid that he would fall back into that deep dark place he'd found himself in when Silver was a first year. He'd felt so utterly alone, and been so deeply upset that he had nearly killed himself. Remus was suffering from depression and he knew it, but what could he do?

After lying there for several moment he decided to go and try talk to Bell which seemed to impossible as of late. It had been growing worse with every passing year, and now every passing month. It was as if some invisible hand were pulling them apart and building up a wall where lines of communication had once been, Remus hated it! Getting up he walked down the hall to Silver's room. "Silverb- Silver?" he paused to correct himself as he rapped lightly on the door.

"Come in." came a stuffy reply. Opening the door Remus could see that Bell had been crying. Clearing her throat she said "Glor's been losing feathers again..." Silver nodded towards the sickly looking owl perched on her window seal. Gloria looked at Remus as he entered, her eyes were getting milky and there was a large featherless patch of skin on her chest.

"Well," said Remus with a burdened sigh. "She was an old bird when we got her…"

"Don't say that!" Silver snapped getting up and walking over to Gloria in defense, a shrill fearful tone sounding in her voice. "She's fine and she's going to live for a long, long time so, so don't say things like that!" the girl shouted wiping at fresh tears.

"Look, Bell, er Silver, I didn't come in here to fight!" Remus shouted motioning with his hands. Pausing he sighed and rubbed his forehead. "And I didn't mean to yell just now, I'm sorry. I-I've just been very upset lately." He stopped and looked at Silver who gingerly stoked her owl's back. "I, I think it's because, well because I'm afraid that I'm going to lose you!" he admitted.

"What?" Silver asked turning to him.

"You're going to be eighteen soon, this is your last year in Hogwarts, you're going to want to move out and live on your own as the adult you are, and I'm going to miss you terribly and I don't want you to go!" Remus said summing up his fears his eyes misting.

"Me too! I mean I'm not going to miss you, no, ugh I didn't mean I- Why can't I ever f'in talk right?" she muttered biting her lip in frustration. "What I mean is I've been scared that, that you're-going-to-kick-me-out!" Silver managed to say as she began sobbing a new.

"What?" Remus laughed as a wave of relief washed over him.

"I don't wanna move out!" Silver cried casting him a forlorn look.

"You don't have you!" Remus chuckled as he watched his all grown up Silver revert back into his little bitty Bell in an instant.

"Really?" she asked swiping at her tears as she looking up at him.

"Really!" he promised holding his arms out for an embrace.

"Oh, thank you!" she said rushing over and hugging him as tightly as she could. "I'm gonna live with you forever and ever and ever and never move away!" she declared firmly.

Remus smiled as he stroked her hair his heart immensely lighter. "You should however know that if I catch you snogging a boy that I am going to have to kill him, brutally!"


	14. Chapter 14

Silver walked briskly down the station her head held high and a smile on her face. Remus mean while toiled behind her as he pushed a trolley with all of their things loaded on it, a stack of books threatening to plummet to the ground at any given moment. "Oh, come on!" Silver exclaimed just before stepping on to platform 9 3/4. Remus paused; he could kill that child sometimes, he really could! Shaking his head Remus started again but stopped abruptly, there was such a sudden and intense feeling of being watched! He couldn't seem to get rid of it. Turning this way and that he looked at all of the faces around him, trying to pinpoint the cause of this discomfort. Alarmed Remus made a wide arch so as to go around the entrance, but suddenly the feeling went away.

Checking the faces of those around him once more for good measure Remus squared his shoulders and stepped onto the platform where his ears were immediately assaulted! As loud as the station itself was, platform 9 3/4 had the Muggles beat as old friends reunited and owls screeched in alarm at spells buzzing through the cold air! Oh yes, he was definitely on his way to Hogwarts!

"Hey Uncle Remus!" Silver called as she literally bounced over to him a gaggle of girls following her in the same manner. "I'm gonna sit with my friends k?"

Remus chuckled, his eyes crinkling "Have you four been hexed?"

Silver scoffed. "No! It's tradition! You know," she sighed looking at him as though he were stupid. "In memory of when that Susan jinxed our legs together, and then I turned her purple?" the girls burst out laughing as they elbowed and jostled each other.

"It's great Mr. Remus er, uh Mr. Lupin now huh?" started Jess one of Bell's closest friends. "Pisses 'er off like nothing else, she sees all 'o us hoppin' around like jackrabbits and all she can think of is Silver's hex!" she chortled slapping Bell heartily on the back.

"I think she still blushes violet!" added Anna in the shrill voice once gets when trying to compose themselves and fail. They all started laughing again.

"All right, well have fun!" Remus said smiling. "And don't get into trouble!"

"Oh, look!" cried one of the girls suddenly. "There she goes!"

"Hi Susan!" the girls called in a chorus as they started a hopping frenzy! The girl with porcelain doll looks and long curly blond hair look, went mouth agape, and then stuck her nose in the air and continued on her way red faced, but the girls swore it was a red shade of purple, and who was Remus to argue as they all began slapping high fives?

Remus chuckled, "Alright, now you girls go have fun, and like I said don't cause any trouble, it'd be a waste to be expelled in your final year!"

"K, love ya!" Silver said grabbing Gloria's cage and hopping away, but she stopped abruptly and burst out into a run shouting, "Percy, hey, Percy!"

"Leave it to a boy, namely Percy to cause Silver to break tradition!" remarked Jess before she turned back to Remus, "I'd watch those two if I were you! Then again, if I were you I'd be watching all the boys around here, Silvers good lookin' and they've all noticed!" she said mischievously.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Remus asked his face fallen and deathly pale suddenly unamused.

"Maybe!" the girl, who Silver had informed Remus had a crush on him said. And with that they walked away all having apparently forgotten tradition.

Alone Remus fell victim to his own thoughts, at first he tried to keep him mind empty but thoughts of his little Bell with boys bombarded his brain. Shaking them away he stepped up onto the train, and hit with a sudden wave of dizziness. Oh, God he was going to vomit! Gripping the rails tightly he held himself steady for a moment before hauling himself up. His heart hammered in his head all he could think about was that last time they were on the train together, the Marauders, the team, the gang, the family whatever you wanted to call them, because they were all those things and more!

Remus took a sharp breath in to keep from crying, and finding an empty compartment sat down his face in his hands, he missed them so terribly!

It was a bright blistery day as snow pelted all in its way, visibility was almost none! "Yeah, Gryffindor!" Sirius shouted rising out of his seat.

"Woohoo, James!" Cried Remus doing the same his mitted hands clapping in a muffled tone. As they sat back down they noted the serious lack of school spirit. "So, Peter left too then huh?" Remus inquired his teeth chattering horridly.

"Yup!" Sirius said his face in a type of scowl as he struggled both to see and to keep his jaw from trembling as snow stuck to his long lashes making him look like grandfather winter.

There was a moment of heavy silence between the two before Remus turned and asked, "You don't s-s-supose that the game's over and J-James and e-everyone's forgot all about us d-do you?" he rubbed his shoulders vigorously trying to regain warmth.

Sirius was quiet for a moment as he thought, too deep in concentration to halt his trembling jaw. "N-no, I mean James wouldn't do th-that us!" he concluded. There was another moment of silence before Sirius turned to Remus and worriedly asked, "W-would he?"

"No!" Remus scoffed as though offened. "N-not James, he's our best mate, he'd n-never do that to us!" The two laughed nervously as they looked to each other and then stopped. The realization that their fears might have been exactly what had happened weighing heavily on them.

"Oh, come here!" Sirius said after a moment, throwing open his blanket (which regrettably let the cold air seep into him) and snatched up Remus, who gave a squeak of surprise in response. "You look like you're about to freeze to death!" They laughed again, still feeling sorry from themselves, but at least they were getting warmer as they shared their body heat.

"Mm, th-this is nice!" Remus said snuggling in tighter his head on Sirius' shoulder after a few moments.

"Mm-hm" Sirius nodded pulling the blanket over their heads and closing his eyes and resting his chin on the other boy's crown.

They remained like this for several minutes, each feeling warmer and happier with every passing second. "I love you!" Remus said as he shut his eyes no longer caring about the match. Both boys sat bolt up Remus's head colliding with Sirius's chin causing him to bit his tongue.

They stared at each other for a few seconds as it dawned on them what he had said. "You what?" Sirius asked tentatively and he watched the other lad his gray eyes wide and shinning.

"No! I-I didn't mean that! W-what I meant was I love being with you. No! Uh! Here with you, I love being here with you, not, not with you! I-I-" Remus stammered his cheeks already pink from the biting cold now bright red. "I just love watching the match is all, I swear!" he said in a last desperately frantic screech.

Sirius stood up, a shocked expression on his face, his mouth opened and shut dumbly as he tried but failed to say anything. Remus looked utterly broken huddling up in his seat as quickly freezing tears rolled down his cheeks, "Remus," Sirius said at last, his voice sounding rather odd almost hoarse like he'd just been in a very loud, very long argument and lost.

"Good heavens look at the state of you!" cried Madam Pumpfy cutting the conversation short as she rushed over towards them. "The match has been over for an hour and a half, you friends James, and Peter are worried sick! What stupidity hex made you boys stay out here for so long?" The two remained quiet as they watched their feet. "Well, we've got to get you boys warmed up!" she said motioning for them to follow her, her long fur lined robed trailing behind.

Sirius and Remus remained silent in the Hospital Wing as they drank their hot chocolate and listened to James explain that he thought they knew the match was over and how it was a complete mistake and in no way his fault, despite the smirk he couldn't seem to get rid of. They then had to suffer through a sever scolding from Madam Pumpfy as she bundled them tightly under their comforters.

"Now off with you two, they need their rest!" Madam Pumpfy said to James and Peter, who for James's part failed to rile up her patents no matter how hard he tried.

Saying their goodbyes Peter, and James got up and left. "Feel better soon!" Peter said with a weak, nervous smile.

"See ya at my next match?" James asked cheekily despite his growing worry at their glumness, maybe he'd gone too far and really messed up this time.

"Ha, ha!" Sirius grumbled at him bitterly, flipping him the bird as he watched him go.

After both of her patents had a nice dinner of hot chicken noodle soup Madam Pumpfy made sure they were warm and tucked in tight. Then she dimmed the lights and retired for the evening. Remus lie in bed, he couldn't sleep, he had messed things up, horribly. The more he thought about it the worse he felt, he hadn't meant to say anything! He did love Sirius but- Remus sighed, Sirius would never speak to him again, that was the reason for the secrets... Better to have Sirius as a friend then not at all, right? A sob escaped him as he tried to muffle it with his hands, oh God he just wanted to die!

He remained like this, hands over face trying to cry as quietly as possible while a darkness descended upon his soul. It was only a short while before a sharp voice cut through his thoughts. "Move!" demanded a forceful voice. Remus turned and saw Sirius standing by his bed, wrapped like a mummy in layers of blanket. Scootching over Remus watched stiffly as Sirius unwound himself crawled under his blanket, tossing his own on top as well. "What?" he grumbled. "You looked cold, and quite pathetic!" he explained in a gruff tone as he got comfortable.

"God!" Remus exclaimed with fright. "Your feet are freezing!" Remus then lay with his back to the other boy utterly silent for a long time, unsure of what to do or say. Worried that Sirius would tell others, that he'd be far more of an outcast then ever before. Tears sprang a new in his eyes, what would it matter if the whole world knew, the Sirius had looked at him. Remus retreated within himself as the other boy lie stiffly beside him. After Remus couldn't take it anymore he rolling over said, "Look Sirius I'm-"

Remus' words were cut off as Sirius pressed his soft lips tightly against his. Remus' stomach went cold in a moment of shock but soon warmed. His whole body was getting warmer and warmer as he began to kiss back, his mouth tingled like he was licking a battery and before he knew it his hand had shot out and laced itself through silky black hair pulling his love closer. Sirius ran a cold fingered hand under Remus's shirt over his belly and around to his back. Sirius pulled away and took breath. "Warmer now?" he asked with a wicked grin as he felt goosebumps rising on the other boy's skin.

Remus looked at him wide eyed and wondering, surprised but very, very pleased; "Yes..." he blushed.

"Tell anyone and you're dead!" Sirius said in a playful tone pulling Remus closer to him until their foreheads touched.

"But I thought, I thought you hated me now?" Remus said his voice low and lilting, almost sounding disappointed.

"Enough of what you thought!" Sirius said pulling him in tight. "I love you!" Sirius whispered into the other boy's ear before kissing the back of his neck.

"I love you too!" Remus replied smiling to himself, better to have Sirius as boyfriend then friend then not at all, right?

Remus awoke with a start, his body reacted faster than his mind could, in a heartbeat his wand was in his hand and a Patronus Charm was fending off a Dementor! Once the foul creature retreated he looked up at the three young students who were in the train compartment with him. One was a girl with seemingly unmanageable frizzy brown hair, a red haired boy with innumerable freckles and no, not James, it couldn't be James… The boy's eyes fluttered open, Lily's eyes. No, not James, Harry... Harry Potter...


	15. Chapter 15

Remus didn't feel quite right sitting there at that big table, high above everyone else. He glanced around the Great Hall. The familiar four rows of tables were a comfort, as they sat full of children laughing and playing with each other boisterously. That was where he belonged, down there, messing around with James, and Peter and Sir- His mind ground to a halt. If he could ever hate Hogwarts for anything, it was this, it made him far too reminisant, too fond of times long past, his heart weighed down heavily in his chest as he silently cursed himself, he shifted uncomfortably in his high backed chair. Remus surveyed the room once more his green eyes weary of memory yet a light with fondness of this place. He found Harry and his friends knocked into each other playfully with their shoulders, so like James seated about the Gryffindor table. He couldn't help but smile as he wondered just how much trouble had that boy gotten into? As much as they? More? Remus laughed quietly into his goblet.

Something else caught Remus's eye, something to his right, he looked, it was Snivellous was sneering at him under the guise taking a drink from his own glass. Not one to play second fiddle, Remus returned the favor from behind a fork ladened with mashed potatoes, only a small knowing smirk followed. Dumbledore, who sat between the two, caught it. Staring first at Remus, and then Severus he gave each a hard look, as if to say: I'm not going to find you boys fighting in the halls again, am I? Remus shrank back into his seat a defeated child, but not before a silent snarl at his adversary to turn his sallow yellow skin a frightened milk white, Snivellous managed to keep his composure despite this however.

Remus felt a tad sheepish as he looked down at his hands, never I a million years did he think he would be here at this table with the greatest wizard of all times, like equals. A thing he scoffed at immediately, for the butterflies in his stomach were still quite intent on working their way out through his throat. Setting his jaw he rose to full height in his seat, he was a teacher now, he reminded himself, and shouldn't slump. After this immense revelation he returned to student watching.

The Slytherins all seemed busy in their own way, though just a boisterous s the rest they leaned in to talk with one another as though their little exchanges about their summers were of utmost discretion. He by skill rather than recognition managed to pick out Lucius Malfoy's boy, Lucius had only remained in Hogwarts until Remus' third year for he graduated, but there was something about him that Remus could not stand and had made its mark upon his memory. He sat white blond hair slicked back in conversation with two larger looking boys, after only a moment his body when loose in a feigned state of unconsciousness, mocking Harry.

Remus's eyes flitted to the Gryffindor table, Harry seemed to pay the Malfoy boy little to no mind and he laughed and joked with his friends looking so very much like his father bound up in red and gold. The girl seemed to be making a playful jest at his expense, causing his cheeks to flare, he shoved her shoulder playfully as the red haired lad with whom they had shared the compartment for in truth there were quite a number of red haired lads, and even a lass at the table, sputtered food spraying out across the table children reeled away in reaction. Remus laughed, so he was that sort of lad.

From there his eyes drifted to the least interesting table, at least to him, all draped about in black and yellow. The students there were all of them of varying thickness, with round happy faces all. They were not quite as loud as the Gryffindors who jostled about but seemed to be having just as much fun, every child in attendance seemingly a part of one giant conversation rather than dozens of smaller ones as they all smiled and glanced at one another in turn. Something about that made Remus a bit uneasy, the way they included everyone into everything, now he wondered if that was setting them up for later in life when they would come to expect such treatment from the world. He sighed.

His eyes soon wandered to the Ravenclaw table and the more reserved group of children that sat there. Silverbell was easy to spot, her long black hair dipping over the edge of her seat and grey eyes sparking as she spoke amongst her friends, Jess flanking one side, Anna the other. It made Remus happy to see her like this, all life and giggles, it made it easier on him knowing that she was happy, for no matter how positive her letters were each year he still worried about her. It was then that a young man got up from father down the table and approached the girls. Placing a hand on one of Bell's shoulders, and another of Anna's he leaned forward to talk to them. Remus took another bite of food. Glancing back up he noticed the trio sparkle with laughter at something the lad said, then his hand left Anna's chair and disappeared beneath the table just above Bell's lap. Remus chocked and sputtered on his food earning a grin from the head of Slytherin further down the table, who was pleased at his sudden loss of decorum but had yet to realize the cause.

Blinking his watery eyes and quickly gulping down water like a drowning fish he struggled to keep his eyes on his niece. She at first didn't seem to notice, but then went impossibly stiff, her eyes wide and face paling. Remus gripped the arms of his chair getting ready to stand up as Bell looked about to cry, she grabbed Jess's hand tightly. Looking the other girl stood threw water over the young man's face, before slapping him once soundly. Everyone save for those at the furthest table took immediate notice, Professor Flitwick looked at them his brows raised, he made a motion for them to see him after the feast was over and then nodded for them to sit back down.

Remus' face was red, his blood was boiling, he could have stood up and killed that boy right there and not felt a moments regret. He watched with vengeful silence as he returned to his friends who joked and jostled him about, Remus made mental note of his every feature, they would be talking very shortly. He turned his gaze then to Bell who seemed quite far retreated into herself, her friends comforting her on either side. Her eyes rose from their position at the floor and found their way to Remus', his heart wretched and it was suddenly difficult for him to maintain his food. Her eyes were hurt and ashamed, she looked at him as though she had half expected this to happen, but hadn't wanted him to find out. Her eyes quickly raced back to the table, she managed a smile and hugged her friends lightly. It was then that he noticed that Jess watched him grimly.

The rest of the meal he spent up able to eat, unable to enjoy himself anymore and unable to take his eyes off Bell who was clearly uncomfortable by his gaze. "Sirius Black." A voice said from his table, somewhere off to the left as the food was cleared, magically away, it was the one thing that could pull him away. He turned yet could not find the source of the voice immediately. Then another spoke up. "Escaped from Azkaban!" this was Professor Aurora Sinistra, the astronomy teacher who spoke. Remus' heart beat viciously against his rib cage in fear, yet also a damnable and inexplicable longing that he soon dashed to pieces.

His eyes floated back to Bell, what if Sirius came looking for her? What had happened to her to make her so- Remus felt tears coming on and blinked them sharply away in his new life here there would be no tears, or so he firmly told himself. He looked forlornly at her, rising with the other teachers as they dismissed the students off to bed. He clenched tightly his fists as she walked quietly away, he wanted to call to her and make her stop, wrap her up in his arms and comfort her as if she were a child again, ask her why she didn't just pummel the fiend like she would have Susan for merely a sneer. He couldn't help but wonder what had caused her to change into such a meek person who would allow someone to, he stopped that train of thought dead, watching her depart however a lonesome part of himself wondered if he even knew Bell as well as he thought he did, if at all.

Remus was dizzy and nauseous; if returning to Hogwarts hadn't been hard enough it had to be coupled with the escape of his former lover, a man he now despised and a shockingly blatant display by some brute upon his dear Bell. "Rough evening?" came a smooth even toned sneer form Snape as he passed Remus by.

If he had, had one ounce more of energy Remus knew that he would have leaped upon the serpent immediately and beat the ugly man's face in, as it was however Remus seriously doubted his ability to make it back to his room, instead he opted for the slightly immature, yet classic of "Fuck you!" hissed in his ear. Dumbledor seemed to pay them no mind openly, but Remus did note, his brows raise and if in concern, by now however, the spent man no longer cared and wearily made his way to his room.


	16. Chapter 16

That night sleep cleverly eluded Remus as he lie in his neat little bed, surrounded by his standard neat little bureau, with it's neat littler mirror, and neat little trunk beside it. Staring at the ceiling he vied for his room to reflect the chaos he felt inside for the first time in his life. The ceiling was a blank panel of darkness that seemed somehow to be closing in around him. He listened to the beat of his own heart, it was not the calm steady beat it should have been, it was fast and angered. His life seemed a maddening whirl about him; slowly he began to pull thoughts out of the storm to digest them one at a time. He chose to deal with the easiest first, tomorrow he was going to wake up and begin teaching. He took in a deep breath and held for several moments, before letting it out slowly.

In his mind he was going to face each one of these problems and then they wouldn't bother him in the morning, he knew he was likely deluding himself, but the pretense of control was as much comfort as he could afford. "I'm going to go into class tomorrow, I'm going to teach my students, learn their names and they're going to like me and retain what I've taught them." He said in a calm even tone as he stared at the black. After a few more breaths he repeated it, and again, like a mantra until he felt the doubt all but washed away. He closed his eyes and plucked out another problem, "Snivellous will keep his mouth shut, and blow up in a Potions accident." He said to his fear of being exposed and contempt for the greasy haired man, this he said with much more venom and contempt.

He said, he hadn't realized how much he truly hated Snape and feared the fact that he was a werewolf becoming common knowledge until now. Remus draped a weary arm over his eyes as his thoughts drifted to Bell. Anger boiled up anew. Tomorrow he was going to pull her aside and have a serious conversation with her, now however, he thought that the boy could have been pulling a prank on her. Poor Bell was deathly afraid of spiders and if he'd had one under the table that would clearly explain everything, even Jess, she always was protective over Bell. The same day his niece had told him that Jess had a crush on him she also mentioned that Jess fancied her as well. Remus sighed into the darkness of the room, never had he been that bold, several girls knew about Jess. Remus rolled over onto his stomach, telling himself that, that was the reason.

Lastly all that seemed left to sort through was Sirius. Remus had get his hands on a copy of the _Daily Profit_ as soon as possible, but from what he could gather, and everyone else seemed to know, was that Sirius Black had indeed been the first person in history to escape Azkaban prison. Remus felt sick and curled on his side, and covered his head with a pillow as the first of what would be many tears fell from his eyes.


End file.
